At 24 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, I've been put on bed rest. Yesterday was Easter and the first day on such orders. I enjoyed a quiet day at home while Kenn and the kids spent the holiday at the grandparents'. Kenn did make a trip back to deliver to me a portion of the turkey dinner they'd all shared. As I sat alone eating that meal, sadness began to creep in - mostly in the shape of self-pity. Barely noticeable at first, I caught it and then looked it in its face. What are you pouting over? This is a loss imagined, not a fit place for grief. I was holding man's traditions, a holiday, against the meaning of life preserved. And the life beginning inside of me. This baby missed, now that would be a loss!
Gratitude returned just as fast as those woes had appeared and the food was consumed, reminding me that Resurrection is not a one-day hoopla and Rest is a longed-for gift.
(Written for On, In and Around Mondays.)
2 comments:
Lovely bit of reflection - and so true! But acknowledging that it's hard to be on the outside of family celebrations is okay, too. Just knowing it's done for life-saving rather than life-taking reasons helps, as you've so eloquently noted. But it's still hard. And recognizing that it's hard doesn't always mean self-pity - just a realistic look at what is, at least what is right now. Many blessings as you wait out these last 16 or so weeks!!
thanks for coming and commenting, diana. your marking our "now" moments as true, that i especially appreciate.
Post a Comment